I Need Some Creative Options.....
There are a few ongoing battles in my home that I seriously feel like I am constantly losing. If you could offer any small creative discipline strategy I would truly appreciate it.
#1. Ryan is getting into the refrigerator constantly without asking. It is very difficult for me to give up my control on this matter - I don't want him to be able to snack whenever he wants to on whatever he fancies. He often will sneak food and hide under the kitchen table with it.
#2. We only eat in the kitchen. Ryan is constantly testing my boundaries on this one and will take food out of the kitchen at every chance he can get. If my back is turned, if I walk out of the kitchen, if I am in the bathroom, etc. He will hide with it or take it in the living room where he is watching a movie or something.
#3. Going outside without telling me. I am not talking about our back porch, I'm talking about going out into the park by himself.
The only think that I ask is that you do not suggest "time-out" this is obviously not working for us. I am looking for a creative consequence. HELP!!
10 comments:
Welcome to the world of children! I taught so many "child" classes in R.S. that it isn't funny. I answered so many questions about child rearing that it isn't funny. I always compared child rearing with a horse. Like this. Put a horse in a pasture with a fence around it and the horse will never ever stand in the middle. The horse will always walk around the perimeter wanting to know the boundaries. Kids are exactly the same way. When a child is doing something deliberate that you don't want him to do...he is simply asking through his actions "where are my boundaries?" He is in essence asking if he is the driver of the car yet. Now? Now? Now? And each time you are carefully reminding him that he is NOT the driver yet. Some just have to be put in the back seat a little rougher than others.
Mom must be talking about the "Okay Mom Flyswatter." Sometimes I wonder if that is what I will have to resort to when all of my parenting discipline problems start. I really wonder if anything else even works.
Please tell us what happens. I know that whatever Ryan is doing, Judy is sure to do soon so I want to know what works and what doesn't. Have you scrapped time-out all together or just for these situations?
Well, I have a suggestion that I used in my second grade class. Of course, I'm not sure if it's exactly what you're looking for, but I thought it was worth telling you about. I had a jar in the front of the classroom and whenever I caught the class doing something good, I would let them put some marbles in the jar. But if they were out of control or doing something they shouldn't, then they would have to remove some marbles from the jar. Then when it got full, they got to have a party or a treat or something. Now, I'm not sure if it would work with Ryan or not. Would something like that be an incentive for him, or would the reward be too far away to make a difference? You also have to remember to have him put marbles in . I don't know if that's something you would want to do, but it popped into my head. Good luck with whatever you try!
Mom, I remember that concept for SURE, but can you give me some suggestion on IMPLEMENTING it? For real, I don't want to be focusing all day on his failures.
Jana, didn't you have like a snack box for Rachel at some point? Could you tell me more about that?
Joanne, thank you for offering me something productive. You don't even have children yet and you can give me parenting advice - what a girl! By the way, I am seriously going to get more details from you on your mom's chore chart - genius!
Gina, Time-out is still in effect right now since I don't have any other good strategy at the moment. It DOES help me to get my cool and stops him from doing that particular behavior at the moment so it's not without its merits. Still, when it is occuring 85% of the time for these three reasons I realize we need something else in our bag of tricks.
I am counting on Angie to offer me SOMETHING. You always have good advice.
I'm afraid I'm not as good at creative disciplining, but I've got ideas for stopping the behavior. Didn't you have a lock on your fridge and on your front door in a previous apartment? Wouldn't those two things curb all three problems? Sometimes it seems if the temptation is just too great, get rid of the temptation. Prevent him from doing the behavior at all and then you won't have to discipline him for misbehaving in those ways (though he might be frustrated for not being able to get out of the house or into the fridge, and that might take other discipline).
Oh, I forgot to mention that we have come upon this problem since he has learned to unlock the most difficult refrigerator lock that I can find. I have also tried to gate off the kitchen but I am unwilling to spend $50 on a gate when he can unlock them or climb over very easily.
I DO have a lock for my front door that he cannot open (and wish it would work for my refrigerator also) but he can still get out my side door. *sigh*
Keep 'em coming!
Rachel had a snack box, but I don't think Ryan is quite old enough for exactly what we did...
My goal was to stop her from begging non-stop for sweets. So I had a large tupperware-type container in which I put 4 juice boxes, a few apples, some pretzels, 2 crap fruit snacks (or the equivalent), individual fruit cups, some bread, little boxes of raisins, etc. Really, anything I could get that didn't have to be refrigerated that was even somewhat healthy.
And the rule was that she never had to ask permission to eat anything in her snack box. But I only filled it up on Mondays. So if she ate all the fruit snacks on Monday, it was a long wait for sweets again. It was to stop the "Can I have a snack?" question.
So maybe it would work if you had a smaller container and filled it every morning (I think he's a bit young to have to wait a week to get a new selection...). And anything he wants to eat, he has permission to get without asking.
We did make a huge deal of it and decorated the box all fancy and made sure it said "Rachel's snacks--Rachel only!" or something equally selfish-sounding. She loved being the boss of it and even sharing out of it.
What about having someone stand guard at the point where no food may pass. Like find a designated stuffed animal at the thrift store (a lion? something holding a staff like a guard? a walrus? Yoda?) and putting it against the wall. Then it's a matter of "Don't forget to keep food on THIS side of Boss Hog!" or "Remember, Chicken Man says food can't go past him. Sit down right there to finish or leave it until you come back."
I have no real experience with this one--my children have the fear of their father if they take food past "the line". A non-existent boundary between the kitchen & entryway that he has delineated. No further discussion of the matter happens around here except kids telling their friends or company to keep food on the hard floor. Maybe for this rule, time is your only real friend...he'll outgrow it with little danger in the meantime.
I have absolutely NO help with the wandering the neighborhood problem. Matt is still getting out and going to the McNeils or the bishop's house without asking. He's been a wanderer since he was almost 2. When he was so young, we put those top-of-the-door locks (cheap) on our front door and a padlock on the gate outside. Would either of those things help?
Good luck. And remember...whatever it is, for good or bad, it's just a phase. Everything is.
Hi Jenny,
I love Jana's ideas and am glad I read them so when Brock starts this, I'll have ammo. Brock has a habit of walking out the doors too. First Alert sells window/door chimes that stick to the door jams and the door and when the seal is split, it either alarms or chimes or is silent. We installed them (literally 10 seconds) on his door (he likes to sneak into our bed at night) the front door and the backyard door. I set them to chime during the day so if I'm in the back rooms, I can hear that a door has been opened. Take a look at the As Seen on TV website which is where we bought 4 for $19.99 or $9.99, I can't remember. It has really helped us.
Hi Jen,
This is Auntie Jan. Kimmie shared your blog with me and I hope you don't mind me putting my two cents in.
If you remember at the day care we practiced the "Mommy/Daddy Technique". If a teacher asked a child to do something and the child refused or repeated an unacceptable behavior and another teacher overheard, the 2nd teacher stepped in and made sure the child understood she heard and would join in with the 1st teacher and support her in whatever was required of the child. The child learns there is two adults guiding a child and the child never "runs the show". If there are not two adults present (like Derek is at work) then take care of the situation the best you can and before Ryan goes to bed, the three of you have a very serious talk about what is expected from Ryan. If Ryan still does not respond appropriately, (step 2 should be agreed on by you and Derek)go to step 2. Ryan needs to realize he is not testing you and he is not in charge. Always include Derek and ideally he should be the heavy. There is so much more and if you want to call me, do so when Ryan is in bed and can't hear us talk. Time out was never intended to be a discipline; only a time to have the child calm down and give the adult time to figure out what course of action was appropriate for the situation. When two adults take an active part in raising a child, it is not only less stressful on the one parent who is with the child most of the time, it also tells the child he/she can't "run the show" as the adults overpower the will of the child. Remember in the day care we never spanked a child, very seldom yelled at a child and 99% of the time had law and order. It really works!
I love you,
Auntie Jan.
I just want to suggest some books
Children the Challenge
by Rudolf Driekurs
5 Languages of Love for Children
by Gary Chapman
Christlike Parenting
byDr. Glenn I Latham
The soft spoken Parent
byH.Wallace Goddard
How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk
byAdel Faber & Elaine Mazlish
I know this is a long list, these are the books I have the girls I am training (to work in the Montessori school) read. I hope it helps a little.
Post a Comment